


Crystal Hearts and Thread

by wartransmission



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, M/M, This is an indulgent fic tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-25
Updated: 2013-01-25
Packaged: 2017-11-26 20:55:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/654332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wartransmission/pseuds/wartransmission
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Egbert was born with an average crystal heart. It was the size of his small fist, still clenched after he'd been wrapped in warm cloth and handed to his mother. It was glimmering with the love that had yet to grow when it was taken from his chest, but it would soon bloom into beautiful shades of red.</p><p>Joanna Egbert cried, and John cried with her. He was hers, her beautiful baby boy, and he was perfect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crystal Hearts and Thread

John Egbert was born with an average crystal heart. It was the size of his small fist, still clenched after he'd been wrapped in warm cloth and handed to his mother. It was glimmering with the love that had yet to grow when it was taken from his chest, but it would soon bloom into beautiful shades of red.

Joanna Egbert cried, and John cried with her. He was hers, her beautiful baby boy, and he was perfect.

 

\------

 

 _Everyone has a crystal heart,_ Mama had explained, stroking his dark brown hair and smiling down at him as she told her story. _A crystal heart is a representation of your love. It grows and grows, just as much as you do. You need to protect it, sweetheart. There will be people who will try to break it, break you- but you won't let that happen, will you? Of course not,_ she had laughed, the sound of it melodious to his young ears, _you're a strong boy, like your mama. My crystal heart was sewn together with your Dad's when we were younger, because I love him and he loves me._ She had stroked his cheek, her smile softening with warm affection, _You will find someone too, someday. You will sew your heart with hers, or his, and it will hurt at first- but the pain will fade. Because you love each other, and it's worth it._

\-----

 

John can't find it in himself to agree with her about the pain being worth it.

He can't. Not when he has to see his father cry for the first time in his life, his large and so gentle hands clutching onto a slowly dimming crystal heart.

He was seven, and he lost his mother to an illness.

He couldn't even cry, because he didn't understand what death meant yet.

 

\------

 

John's Dad takes him to the playground closest to their house when he's ten. He's much too old for it now, he thinks, but he doesn't want to disappoint his Dad. He's already sad as he is, even though he tries not to show it. (John can feel it, because he's smart like that.)

He'd have spent his time there pretending to be interested in the swing just to make his Dad cheer up, but he's distracted when he sees a blond-haired kid rolling around in the sandbox. He's...larger than the other kids. Much larger. He's actually very tall, now that John thinks about it.

"What are you doing?" He asks the child, because he's curious. The blond looks up at him just as soon as he asks, and John notices that he's wearing oddly-shaped shades. He's also trying to bury his arm in the sand.

"I saw on the internet that some animal- I forgot which one- cools off by hiding itself in the sand. I was thinking I could test it out."

John nods. He doesn't really understand, but it looks like the blond knows what he's doing.

"Wanna join me?" The blond asks again, and John furrows his eyebrows, about to say no- until the other boy reaches out and takes his hand.

(His crystal heart is at home, safe inside a jar that his Dad had helped him in hiding. Somehow, John feels the warm throb of it deep inside his chest.)

"Fine," he sighs, and sits down with the blond in the sandbox.

(He ignores it.)

John is ten then, and he has just made a new friend.

His name is Dave.

 

\------

 

By the age of twelve, he has already befriended Dave's sister. She's cute, smart, talented, and he likes her.

But Dave's hair is lighter, softer to the touch, and his pale freckled skin looks funny when he's blushing. His eyes are a pretty shade of red, his eyelashes are long, and John is sure that Dave is what someone should call 'a pretty boy.'

Rose tells him that it's adorable, that he likes Dave so much.

He just smiles at her (because he doesn't understand).

 

\------

 

"What the hell? Don't touch me, beaver-face!"

John keeps silent even as he's pushed away and into the lockers, a tiny grunt the only sound escaping him as his shoulder bumps ( _collides_ ) with the cold metal.

He's barely gotten himself together when the sound of shrieks and yells reaches his ears, the crowd parting easily as a blur of silver and red pass by the teen who had just called him out as "beaver-face."

A second later finds the teen red-faced with his pants spilled on the floor, and John doesn't know whether to laugh or be terrified.

"Hey, you're gonna be late for math."

He jolts when a pale hand squeezes at his shoulder, the breath he'd been holding in exhaled in one go as he notices that it's just Dave."Right. Do you know..?" He trails off, subtly motioning with a twitch of a finger to the red-faced teenager currently making his way down the hall to the boy's bathroom.

Dave's eyebrows rise with faked innocence. "Do I know what?"

John laughs. "Whatever."

He is fourteen. He's just begun to notice the (barely) rhythmic thumping of his crystal heart in Dave's presence, which he calls out as worry and excitement all wrapped up in a confusing bundle of emotions.

For a fleeting moment, John thinks of Dave and Hemlock, but forgets what it means.

 

\------

 

Dave's not just pretty now. He's _handsome, gorgeous, a total hottie-_ god, John couldn't even bear to think it without cringing. (He also hates himself just a little bit for thinking that Dave was ever pretty. Really, why did he even think that in the first place? Dave is _far_ from pretty.)

And with great power...well, it wasn't that surprising that he found himself a girlfriend.

John sort of hates Terezi. No, not because Dave's dating her. (That's a stupid reason!)

It might be because of, well, that one moment where she almost got him killed when she pushed him into the oncoming rush of cars down the road.

Yeah. He sort of hates her. A lot.

But Dave likes her, and it sucks. He doesn't know what he sees in her. _Sure_ , she's a bit pretty- but that's a stupid reason too! Couldn't he have picked someone who was a little bit more decent, someone nicer- someone like his cousin, even? (Actually, _fuck no_ to that idea.)

He's sixteen, and his crystal heart cracks around the edges when he takes it out from its jar.

It hurts, just a little bit.

 

\-----

 

"You- you broke up with her."

Dave shrugs. "It wasn't working out."

"Uh."

This isn't how John expected it to go. They'd barely lasted four months! (Which is a lot, if he had to be honest with himself- but still.) He doesn't know if he should be happy that Dave let her go, or if he should be worried that it didn't go down too well. He's _still_ Dave's best friend, after all.

"Actually, I saw her giving Makara a blowjo- _dude!_ " Dave makes a face as he avoids the spray of John spitting his water out. "Gross."

"You saw them- and you just-"

"It's not like I can keep the relationship going with her if I knew what was going on behind my back, man."

"Well, _yeah-_ but aren't you angry? Raging?" John furrows his eyebrows, using the back of his hand to wipe at the water around his mouth. "Hurt, or something? I mean, your hearts weren't...were they?"

Dave sighs. "We never actually had our hearts sewn together, Egbert. We're just sixteen, you know? Too young for that shit."

John raises an eyebrow at that. "Really?"

" _Yes,_ " Dave answers with an exasperated sigh. "Stop making a big deal out of it. Even she doesn't mind- and it's not like you're giving your heart out to anyone."

"That's different. You know that no one wants mine."

Dave rolls his eyes, and John has enough sense to be offended by the disbelief being blatantly shoved in his face. "Please, John. Your modesty hurts my soul."

"Fuck you, man."

"I love you too."

He rolls his eyes at that.

At the age of sixteen, he'd thought that he still had a long way to go before he found the other half for his crystal heart.

He's right about that.

(He's wrong about not finding someone he _wants_ , though.)

 

\-----

 

"Cousin! Mighty fine to see you 'round these parts-"

" _Jake?_ "

"Whoa, since when did you have a twin, Egbert?"

"I don't-" John shakes his head, squinting his eyes at his cousin as he stands in Dave's porch while wearing...shorts. Of course. He loves wearing those. "You told us you'd come by- why are you here?"

"Ah, well, actually," he stumbles over his words, idly scratching at his nape. "I came to visit a certain friend of mine first. I intend to visit you and uncle, of course, but Jade had much need for rest and I'd thought it would be better if we made it one visit."

"Wait, wait," Dave interjects, and John groans. "You're _Jake?_ You're my brother's boyfriend?"

"Wait- _what?_ "

The wince on Jake's face soon fades into a sheepish expression. "That's true. I'd thought to tell you, cousin of mine, truly! But, um. You've caught me by surprise?"

"Just as much as you caught me by surprise, honestly," a deep voice drawls from within the house, to which John reacts with a jolt. Dave just rolls his eyes (it's easy to tell when his eyebrows rise a bit), before he grabs John by the arm and hauls him into the house. Which leaves John's cousin outside with Dave's brother. Oh man, he doesn't even want to think about it.

"I heard that they were planning to make it permanent," Dave comments idly as they both head to the kitchen.

" _What?_ "

"Dude, it's not that scandalizing."

"It's my cousin and your _brother._ "

Dave winces. "Okay, well. Maybe. But it's not that bad, is it? At least Bro's gonna be happy. Not that- uh-"

"Dave, we both know that you love your brother just as much as you love apple juice. Stop trying to be embarrassed."

"Fuckin'- you can't just _say_ that."

"I just did, what are you gonna do about it?"

It's no wonder that the neighbors think that Dave's house is haunted. ( _John screams like a fucking banshee,_ Dave would insist. John disagrees.)

At the age of seventeen, John thinks that he might just be learning how to handle this thing called " _feeling._ " And he may just be learning how to control it, along with those annoyingly distracting thumps of his crystal heart whenever he's around a certain teenager.

 

\-----

 

At the age of eighteen, John can't believe that he's finally fallen into the idiot pit.

He might have a crush on Vriska Serket.

He might be a complete dumbass for feeling that way. (Dave insists that there's no _might_ in that sentence. He is just a dumbass.)

He's fallen all over himself enough that he actually gives the thought of showing her his heart some merit. Dave says that he's a dickwad for even thinking it. John says that he's being a dumbass who can't get over the fact that he freaked out and dumped Jade because she tried to give him her heart. Dave is silent, and John is sure that he wins that argument. (Although he thinks that it's better off that Dave isn't dating Jade. Not that he has anything against the two of them being together. It just doesn't...feel right. Yeah, he's gonna go with that.)

He almost asks her out. (He planned it. Really!)

It's all ruined once he finds out that Tavros has gotten to her first, though. He really doesn't want to start up a fight for something like a little crush either.

 _Maybe it's better off this way,_ he thinks.

_Who am I kidding? I'm so pathetic that even Nitram asked her out before I could._

Dave says that it's not really a celebration when he asks John to have a movie marathon accompanied by Dominoes' pizza with him.

John knows that he's lying, and he really can't bring himself to care.

(The _thump-thump_ ing of his heart says otherwise.)

 

\------

 

He's still eighteen when he first sees that lone tear rolling down Jake's cheek.

There's a look of horror and desperation on his cousin's face when he turns his head up to look at John. He runs away before John can make anything of it, and maybe, it's for the better. He doesn't think he can help, not when he doesn't know much.

He thinks he understands what's wrong, just for a moment, when Dave tells him that his brother's broken up over something too.

It's their hearts, John thinks. Their hearts which they had sewn together a few months after Jake's arrival.

He doesn't understand why they have to hurt for it. He doesn't understand why it's worth it.

Dave doesn't understand it either. It makes John feel a little better about himself.

 

\-----

 

A year later, when he's nineteen and Jake's gotten back together with the elder Strider, Dave tells him what happened.

Jake had grown distant from Dave's brother, which Jake had explained as being caused by the other man's clingy nature. John can't find it in his heart to believe that, not when all he's known of Bro Strider is that he's almost always cool-headed and aloof. But he believes Jake, if only because he never lies.

Dirk (John still finds it weird to call the elder Strider by his name, but there's not much else he can call him by) had been pissed at that. Pissed off enough to rip apart the thread keeping their hearts together, apparently.

 _It's painful even when you've taken out the thread completely,_ Dirk had explained to Dave, _because the holes are there. It takes a long time for the puncture wounds in both hearts to heal. But it doesn't hurt much when one party's already detached himself. The thread holding the hearts together are there for that purpose- to signify the possibility of continuing a relationship. If one person's done with it, then it's not so painful to take his portion of thread out, seeing as he wasn't attached in the first place. In my case- well._ Dave had told him that the look on Dirk's face was bordering on pained when he'd spoken, _You know how it was._

"What brought them back, if he'd ripped the thread out?" John had asked.

Dave smiled wryly.

"Bro didn't really take all of the thread out. There was one portion of Jake's that just...clung. It didn't break."

John nodded.

He still didn't think he'd let his heart be sewn with another person's heart, but he thought he might just understand why people did it in the first place.

 

\-----

 

He's already twenty when he decides to give Dave a glimpse of his heart.

Dave really doesn't take things in small amounts, John has learned.

"John, what the hell have you done to your heart?"

John blinks owlishly at him, before frowning in bemusement. "Nothing?"

"Well you obviously did _nothing-_ there's fucking dust inside the jar. I think I can see a few cracks around here too," Dave says as he holds the jar up and peers inside it under the light of his bedroom. "Didn't your dad teach you how to take care of it?"

"Obviously not, seeing as you're complaining about it. What should I even do with it?" John says as he tries to reach out and take the jar from Dave's hand- which ends with him grasping at thin air. "Dude, just give it back!"

"Whoa, no way," Dave scoffs, before jumping away as John tries to pounce on him. "I'm serious here, Egbert. God knows if anyone will want this thing if you're not taking care of it."

"Maybe if you could _give it back-_ "

"Uh, nope, I'm taking care of this," Dave says, to which John gapes at him. "What? I'll have you know that I am fucking great at taking care of things."

"Says the man who accidentally kills crows thrice a month."

"This is _different._ This is your heart we're talking about." There's a throb somewhere in his chest, which shows itself as well in the suddenly glimmering crystal heart being held in Dave's hands. "Oh, wow. See? It's that bad that it _sparkles_ when I'm touching it."

"Dave! Just give it back-"

"No way," Dave sing-songs, before jumping out of John's grasp and heading to the door, the jar containing his heart cradled close to his chest. The sight of it sends another painful throb in his chest, the glimmer of light and life in his crystal heart becoming a sliver of red light as he Dave lightly pats the lid. "I'm cleaning this up and making it pretty. Trust me on this one, okay?"

The anger and annoyance practically sucks itself out of John's body, leaving him deflated with weary resignation. "I do trust you. You're probably the only one I trust to keep my heart safe."

The teasing smile on Dave's face softens for a millisecond until it's brimming with affection, and John's heart _aches_ with need. "Just so we're equal on that one, I hope you know that you're the only one I'd trust with my heart too."

Dave is giving out a hurried farewell before John can say anything to that, and all that's left is silence when he's gone.

John thinks that there might have been something _there_ when Dave had spoken those words, but he's not certain.

 

\-----

 

Dave returns John's heart in a week as promised, the crystal _shining_ with care and a feeling of wholeness. The cracks are gone and so is the dust that had coated it, and John is sure that Dave has already gotten a glimpse of his feelings from the erratic beats it surely gave out with every touch Dave had laid upon it.

John is a little more than disappointed when Dave doesn't comment on it, only telling him to _take better care of his heart._

 

\-----

 

The disappointment that he felt with Dave's lack of a reaction to his heart shining for him is easily expunged when Dave comes over the next day and hands him a box with a quivering and shining crystal heart inside it.

 _"I'm trusting you with it,"_ Dave had said with a wry smirk.

John is pretty damn sure at this point that there's _something_ there.

 

\----

 

John is twenty-six when he figures out just why it is that sewing their hearts together is worth it.

Dave just laughs at him when he tells him so, calls him an idiot, before pulling him down until he's lying back down in their bed.

_It's us now, forever._


End file.
